check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I checked into jail on foursquare
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize