I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
