Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
