she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And then he peed in my hair
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