Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
