It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
