Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
