So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I puked a lego.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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