dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
