I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
