theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
