I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
