i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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