Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize