yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
