Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
