Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize