Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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