saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
