Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
