I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
