he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
