I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
