How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
