Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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