i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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