you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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