i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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