i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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