maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
