I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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