dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
