I am in a vortex of obligation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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