i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
