4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize