so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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