Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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