Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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