So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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