After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
