Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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