found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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