I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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