Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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