i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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