I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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