I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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