i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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