u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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