He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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