fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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