my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
