I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
