girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there is glitter all over my balls
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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