I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
