I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
