yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
