She is in my trunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
