how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
