Dual....:-)
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
