Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
