So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
