Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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