im about as happy as oj after his trial
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
