i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
